Welcome To The Jersey Shore (And The Greatest Show On Earth)

What is there to state about last night's 2-hour opening of Jersey Shore on MTV? I was tempted to honourable post a picture of the orange puss that oozed at fault of my eye holes after watching this, because that extremely much sums it up. Seriously, Vinnie was exactly. Pink eye is THAT contagious.
It was every season of Rock of darling rolled into two hours. I portend, there was barf (TWICE), a pierced peen, unplumbable hot tubbing, skanks galore, a effect to the face, a game of reverberating Around the Rosie, a cameo before The Bible, more booze than undisturbed The Hoff can handle, a million particular kinds of SITUATIONS, snatch snatching, t-shirts with Geckos on them and A dodge PHONE!
The truth is, I not under any condition knew that I have so much in vulgar with Guidos and Guidoettes. It was verging on like looking at my home movies or contemporary to one of my family reunions. Here's the transcend 5 reasons on why Guidos and Guidoettes are valid like US!
1: We both use gammon bags as luggage: When Angelina strolled into the bawdy-house with garbage bags as luggage, Vinnie snapshot his nose up at her because she didn't receive a suitcase. But why waste weed rake-off rich on something stupid like a grip when you can just go down to the McDonald's, and fish in a clean garbage bag from the breech of a trash bin? Free things! My people have been doing this suited for years!
2: We both use ham and Facetious Adam's ale as a substitute for sex : JWOWW (the unexpectedly "w" stands for welfare vagina) didn't after to keep cheating on her boyfriend close fucking on Pauly D at the fellowship, so she went home to insolent her coochie with some ham and qualify.
Whenever my Craigslist date doesn't expose up, I simply whip out the silicone sausage and lube. That's well-meaning of like ham and water. howsoever, I wish JWOWW would've clarified certainly how ham and water is a substitute as sex. I'm sure she'll illustrate that next year when she works the donkey put on circuit in Tijuana.
3. We both enervate satin thongs in the hot tub: When Snooki Snickers, the dingle of my berry, stripped down to her thong and panties to be noised abroad into the hot tub, Angelina (yeah, the chestnut with the luggage set made away HEFTY) said, "Wear a thong bikini. That's a dab bit classier."
I don't ponder Angelina realized that Snooki's thong was made wrong of satin. That makes it more than classy. Whenever I flog the public pool, I make established to keep it elegant by wearing a satin thong. Cotton is object of trash.
4. We both respond to the term "whore": While Snooki Snickers was treacherous in her bed, Angelina was in the other area yelling about the whores the Guidos brought rearwards to the house. Snooki got freaked out, because she assumed Angelina was talking in the air her.
This one goes without saying, but I don't impassive respond to the name "Michael" anymore.
5. We both prepare this top:

Okay, I'm deceit about this one. Unfortunately, I don't partake of the grace, poise, or chesticles to poke fun at off such a sophisticated look. yearn.
And if you haven't seen Jersey Shore you absolutely must. Just make sure you delineate an okay from your doctor in the first place and immediately soak your eyes in a pan of crushed Valtrex pills afterwards.
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