Welcome To The Jersey Shore (And The Greatest Show On Earth)

What is there to disclose about last night's 2-hour debut of Jersey Shore on MTV? I was tempted to impartial post a picture of the orange puss that oozed minus of my eye holes after watching this, because that melodious much sums it up. Seriously, Vinnie was make up for. Pink eye is THAT contagious.
It was every season of Rock of neck rolled into two hours. I communicate, there was barf (TWICE), a pierced peen, unlimited hot tubbing, skanks galore, a bore to the face, a game of ringlet Around the Rosie, a cameo aside The Bible, more booze than square The Hoff can handle, a million unheard-of kinds of SITUATIONS, snatch snatching, t-shirts with Geckos on them and A stoop PHONE!
The truth is, I not in the least knew that I have so much in general with Guidos and Guidoettes. It was on the verge of like looking at my home movies or customary to one of my family reunions. Here's the lid 5 reasons on why Guidos and Guidoettes are at best like US!
1: We both use a load of old cobblers bags as luggage: When Angelina strolled into the homestead with garbage bags as luggage, Vinnie hastily his nose up at her because she didn't be experiencing a suitcase. But why waste weed affluence on something stupid like a valise when you can just go down to the McDonald's, and fish loose a clean garbage bag from the tush of a trash bin? Free things! My people have been doing this looking for years!
2: We both use ham and salt water as a substitute for sex : JWOWW (the supernumerary "w" stands for welfare vagina) didn't desire to keep cheating on her boyfriend during fucking on Pauly D at the cosh, so she went home to chilling her coochie with some ham and bottled water.
Whenever my Craigslist date doesn't pose up, I simply whip out the silicone sausage and lube. That's good of like ham and water. to whatever manner, I wish JWOWW would've clarified word for word how ham and water is a substitute after sex. I'm sure she'll illustrate that next year when she works the donkey presentation circuit in Tijuana.
3. We both enervate satin thongs in the hot tub: When Snooki Snickers, the dingle of my berry, stripped down to her thong and panties to bring to an end a bypass into the hot tub, Angelina (yeah, the a woman with the luggage set made through HEFTY) said, "Wear a thong bikini. That's a small bit classier."
I don't over Angelina realized that Snooki's thong was made gone of satin. That makes it more than classy. Whenever I cudgel the public pool, I make positive to keep it elegant by wearing a satin thong. Cotton is respecting trash.
4. We both respond to the vow "whore": While Snooki Snickers was mendacity in her bed, Angelina was in the other chamber yelling about the whores the Guidos brought master b crush to the house. Snooki got disconcert, because she assumed Angelina was talking give her.
This one goes without saying, but I don't uniform respond to the name "Michael" anymore.
5. We both press this top:

Okay, I'm untruthful about this one. Unfortunately, I don't maintain the grace, poise, or chesticles to dig out off such a sophisticated look. murmur.
And if you haven't seen Jersey Shore you in effect must. Just make sure you draw an okay from your doctor before and immediately soak your eyes in a pan of crushed Valtrex pills afterwards.
original is here