Damn You, Diabetes! DAMN YOU!

The news broadcast the butter and sugar industries didn't demand to believe was coming but knew was coming has irrevocably came in a swarm of flying Truvia packets. After months of rumors, our butter deliverer Paula Deen is about to herald that she's been diagnosed with classification 2 diabetes. That sound you hear is butter-arid Norwegians diving into the butter lake in the revolutionary cavern under Paula's house. before long after the news broke, the sugar diligence issued this official response:

One would look forward Paula to handle this news aside punching the Land O' Lakes Freulein in the face before kneeing royal Ding Dong in the ding dong, but evidently she's turning her 'beeties into MONAY! The day after day says that Paula has quietly worked into the open air a multimillion dollar deal with Novartis, the medicament she's currently taking for her diabetes, to be their altered spokesperson. Paula is expected to disclose this any day now. A fountain-head also says that Paula will doubtlessly change the way she cooks and the days of making astute fried chocolate noodles with creamed cheesecake crust are behind her.
This just makes me crave to weep salty tears on a taproom of butter before deep throating it, but how can I tie on the nosebag a bar of butter if our butter sovereign can't?! Paula is going to be undergoing to trade her morning cup of sugar with a plaster of coffee for a morning cup of Stevie with a stain of green tea. What is effective on? If next you tell me that Sandra Lee has joined AA and has vowed to start making eatable food, I'm going to spike myself on Guy Fieri's head for.
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